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A Word of Caution

Welcome to the realm of the Unseelie Court. Feel free to wander and browse, but know that the content you will find here is not for the faint of heart. The visions portrayed are often darkly erotic, even disturbing, and should be traversed only by those with the appropriate character and mental age.

You have been warned.


From the Journals of Rachael M. Blist

Chapter 1 – How the hell did I get here?

I haven’t always lived in space… In fact, I was born on Earth at a time when going to the moon was as impossible for your common man as electing an honest politician. (And even more impossible for your common woman!) It just didn’t happen. So how in the world did I end up on the other side of the galaxy, cruising from ship to ship as an intergalactic call-girl? Let me just say that the universe is filled with the wild, the strange, horrific and euphoric… none of which makes it any less of a cliche to state, “I was abducted by little-green-men.”

Which is a half truth because they were little only in the size of their reproductive organs. I was on my way back to my college dorm one foggy July night in 92′ after a rather intense party. I think it was someone’s birthday. I don’t remember. Actually, I don’t remember many details at all about what we were celebrating as I was completely plastered long before I got to the party.

My roommate and dear friend Kat had convinced me to finally loosen up a bit now that mid terms were out of the way. We worked our way through several six packs of beer and then started in on the heavy stuff. With a bottle of Tecilla in hand, we stumbled down the street looking for fun. “Fun,” found us.

I remember there being about twenty guys and a half dozen girls (mostly naked) in a small ground-floor living room. There was loud music, plenty of hearty liquid refreshment and a general feeling of well being. The place was totally squibed.

Sorry, you’ll have to forgive my occasional use of intergalactic verbage. When you travel through space, coming in contact with about one new race of beings a week, you tend to become an expert linguist. Not that there aren’t intergalactic standards of communication, on the contrary! The basis of intergalactic language is a thousand times more solid than standard Anglic, it’s just that you can’t have over thirty thousand known planetary races without SOME individualisms. Which is to say, that there are over seventy distinct ways to say, “wanna fuck?” in Galactic 3, the primary base language used in most of the space port channels. “Squibed,” is a term I borrowed from the Barovy clan of Octned7. Simply put, it means, “euphoric chaos.”

I think I must have gotten into an argument with Kat over the bean dip… Or maybe it was when I walked in and found her sitting in my boyfriends’ lap… naked. Yeah, that’s it. I think it was Kat… Anyway, I left the party, not quite unconscious, and floated along the gutter hoping to run into something that looked familiar, when there was a bright flash of light all around me and a crackling sound like someone crunching aluminum foil in both my ears. Suddenly I felt light on my feet (well, lighter anyway) and started to rise off the ground. I looked up just in time to see that I was heading for a 65 foot high flying blue Lima bean. (Hey, that’s what it looked like to me… I’ve heard from unbiased beings, that it’s actually a fair description of a Galeneze explorer vessel.) After that, I think I was dragged up into the ship and presented before what had to be a galactic diplomat of some sort, probably here to see if Earth was ready for acceptance into the prestigious Federation of Beings. He would be watching my every action, judging our race worthy, or genetic fodder to be left to simmer for another million years or so. He asked me a simple question in Galactic7 and then assumed a standard response position. After a time of silence, he asked his question again, this time in my own language, much to my surprise. It was a real no-brainer of a question, something about the atomic number of uranium. Shit, I knew the answer, we had studied it less than a week ago in Chem 202. I straightened up, looked him right in his four eyes and being the intellectual that I am said, “Huh?” and then proceeded to toss my cookies.

So my first encounter with extraterrestrial beings didn’t go over too well. But hey, I was alive (for the time), delirious, and seriously looking around for a place to pee.

By the laws of Intergalactic Abduction, chapter 3,023,401; paragraph 4, the G’lennies (as their friends call them) couldn’t just dump me back on Earth. They were stuck with me. And being the peaceful sort of race that they were, their own laws forbade them from simply tossing me into their plasma drive. So, five minutes later I was pushed through a decontaminator field, (which not only flushed every ill out of my body, but all the alcohol I had worked so hard to put in there as well) and was instantly clean as a whistle and stone cold sober. (Let me tell you, there are much better ways to work off the effects of alcohol. A decontaminator field completely removes the euphoria but leaves in the hangover…) Hell, I didn’t even have to pee anymore!

That was when I got my first unennebriated view of a G’lennie. They were somewhat humanoid, in that they had arms and legs… four of each. Standing about 7 feet high, one looks about like a cross between an asparagus stalk and the Incredible Hulk. I screamed.

Then when I ran out of breath, I gasped and screamed again. When I opened my mouth for the third time somebody got tired of the racket and zapped me. It was a good thing that I no longer needed to pee.

I awoke some indeterminate time later on an oversize cot, with a slimy wet thing on my forehead. I slapped the thing away, sat up, and realized that I knew where I was. I was on board a Galeneze explorer vessel! But how the hell did I know? I scratched my head, pondering the problem just as a section of wall moved back and a tall G’lennie walked into the room. I didn’t scream. In fact, I didn’t even shiver as the huge walking vegetable came over to me and said, “If it is acceptable, you will be dropped off at the next available opportunity. The Planet of Galen regrets any inconvenience we may have caused you. ”

I was shocked. Not at what he had said mind you, but that I understood him at all. He hadn’t spoken in Anglic… It was Galactic5! (Had I truly comprehended what he was getting at I would have jumped up and clung to him like hot used gum on the bottom of an old tennis shoe.)

Once again, I demonstrated the superior intelligence of our Terran race. “Uh… ok.”

The G’lennie left and two hours later I was walking down a loading platform in the middle of a busy intergalactic space port. The platform closed behind me and I was left to myself. I had on a tank top, some shorts (no panties, and I didn’t even want to think about how that could have happened), socks and my hiking boots. My wallet was back on Earth, wherver that was, and all around me were busy aliens of a hundred different worlds. I was the only human female for who knew how many millions of miles and nobody even noticed me standing there. Things were looking pretty grim.

They went from grim to impossible fast…

I found that while I was only mildly disgusted at the bizarre creatures pushing past me, I was much more disturbed by the growing knot in my stomach. It’s the same sort of feeling you got as a little child when you realize that you have lost contact with your mother. I was very lost…

I noticed a sign that read the equivalent of, “Information” in Galactic2 and made my way to the window. I was greeted by a four foot standing fish.

“Can I help you,” it asked in a too-polite voice.

“Yes, can you please tell me how to get back to Earth?” I noticed that its bulbous eyes had a disquieting tendency to look in different directions.

It pecked at a glowing panel in front of its chest and then turned both eyes at me.

“I’m sorry, I don’t seem to have a listing for that planet. Does it go by any other names?”

I pondered for a moment then replied, “Try Terra. I’m human, if that helps.”

The fish looked up at me again, this time with considerable scrutiny. “Huuuuman??” It said, surprised. “How did you get here?”

“What do you mean,” I asked, getting a sinking feeling.

“You aren’t on the contact list for another 25 flends…”

“Well, here I am.” I said, holding out my arms and smiling.

The fish actually looked shocked. “But how in Gremiths Egg did you get here?!”

“Well, I came aboard that G’lennie vessel right over there…” I turned around and nearly lost it. The 65 foot Lima bean was gone. They had ditched me, the cowards.

As it turns out, I wasn’t quite as bad off as I had thought. I mean, at least they had heard of humans, right? I also found out from my fish friend that I actually wasn’t the first human to grace this port. He (I later found out that all D’racth are male) pointed me to a large building which turned out to be a public library of sorts, only there were no books, just data panels, and the librarians looked like giant teddy bears. As it turned out, a race know as the Zongar pulled a bunch females off Earth a while back (I still hadn’t sorted out the various time references yet) and peddled them as Intergalactic pleasure toys. It seems that humans are almost unique in the galaxy in that they have intensely pleasurable reactions to sexual copulation. In fact, most races use a method of empathic communication to convey warm feelings to their mate (or mates). Warm is about as hot as it gets though. Not so with humans. Our race is almost alone in that we have “orgasms”. To make things even more interesting, humans literally broadcast what they experience to any being in contact with them. So while a human female having sex with a Galactic wouldn’t produce any offspring, it sure would be a lot of fun for both parties involved, even if the Galactic simply sat there and grinned. Human females became all the rage. At least until the Galactic version of the vice squad stepped in and broke up the whole thing. Then they passed a law that said that any race brought off a planet must at least be Wromped. That’s the process of dumping all the information pertaining to galactic etiquette into the mind of the host via a small but intelligent creature known as, you guessed it, a Wromper. In a short time, (two weeks for humans) the host receives everything they need so as not to freak out in Galactic society, including the first six languages. They also put Terra on the “no touch” list.

None of which helped me in the slightest. I was still penniless (actually, I did find 35 cents in my pocket), lost, and 60 million light years from the nearest phone.

I didn’t go running to the police, like I was taught, which was a good thing. The library didn’t say what happened to the females that were rounded up, but I got the impression from the text, that they “disappeared” into the bowels of bureaucracy. I didn’t want to become some twelve-armed politician’s permanent play thing, so I decided to see what I could do by myself. That’s when I found out about money.

Money is pretty much the same everywhere in the galaxy. Things that are rare in one place are traded by those who have an abundance to those that don’t. But to keep things cozy between worlds, the banking system has stepped in to become the local peace keeper as well. You see, the whole galaxy uses one form of currency, called a Mina, and it’s all handled electronically in the world we humans call, cyberspace. If one planet or star system starts to make too much military noise, a council of bankers rules to slowly deduct Mina’s from the entire population of the system in question. It doesn’t take long before political structure of the offending system “corrects” itself and “makes up” with its enemies. The result is two and a half millennia of relative peace.

The system also uses genetic coding as a means of identification, and every sentient being gets their own number. Which meant that all I had to do to “open an account”, was to declare myself. Which I did with almost no fuss at a local branch. They were either very sure of their system, or the penalties for fraud were too scary to mention, for I was in and out of the branch bank in less time than it takes to get a Big Mac and fries at McDonalds. It was great! I was a real person again! I was broke, but at least now I could get a job, right?


Doing what? I had no skills to speak of. Anything I mastered on Earth was useless here. Manual laborers were everywhere and most were built for the job, not so me, weak little human female. (Don’t get me wrong, on Earth I was pretty active, but here, I was nothing compared to a Demolin Lungar. Their world had three times Earth normal gravity. Two tones of cargo was child’s play to them. Equal rights is a concept that Galactics don’t understand.) Even the entry level jobs required some level of schooling. I had none, Galactically speaking.

By the end of the day (seemed a bit long to me) I knew I had to do something fast. Without money I was going to get hungry real soon. I was desperate.

Seeing what I took to be some kind of restaurant (by the smell) I decided that if nothing else, I could at least beg for a bit of bread or something to keep me going till I could get back to the library and ask somebody how to apply to kindergarden.

The room was packed and I instantly regretted my choice of establishments, but turning around now might invite suspicion, so I lifted my head and pushed my way to the bar. The bartender was a semi-human looking ape with a permanent grin and an extra eye. He wore an apron covered with brightly colored stains. He looked up at me.

“What can I get you?”

A pepperoni pizza sounded nice. “Um, uh.. Look, I don’t have any money, but could you spare, um.. well anything… I mean, well almost anything, as I don’t even know what you have, I mean…”

“No money… no drinks. Simple.” He replied, cleaning a mug.

“No, you don’t understand… I just got here and…”

“Hey lady,” he started. “If I give you something for free, then some other guy wants something for free. Then some other guy, and so on and so on. No way.”

“Is there any way I could work for it? I could do dishes, or…”

He pointed to the kitchen. “See that back there. That’s Lug. You think you can do a better job than him?”

I peered over the ape’s shoulder. It was my twelve-armed politician.

“No, I suppose not,” I answered sadly.

“Right, so why don’t you find somebody else to pester, or take…”

“Excuse me,” growled a deep voice above and behind me. I tensed. Whatever it was, it had to be big. I turned around…

And found myself staring into a furry white chest.

“If you would allow me, I would be happy to pay for a meal for my friend here,” the voice continued. I looked up and my jaw fell open. The creature before me was a Kzin. At the time I had no idea who or what they were, but I knew they were big, and I knew that they reminded me of my cat back home, only wearing clothes and standing upright… and seven feet tall, and slinging a nasty looking weapon.

“Are you sure, buddy? She looks like a loser to me,” said the bartender.

“I’m sure,” replied the stranger.

“Th-thanks.. ” I whispered.

A moment later the ape placed a plate of something hot and not moving in front of me. It smelled wonderful. My benefactor touched a finger to a payment system and the correct amount was pulled from his bank account. He then grabbed the plate of food in one hand, and my wrist gently in the other. I probably could have pulled free, but I needed food and besides, it would be rude.

“I’m Jaled,” he said dropping into a nearby table, setting the plate down at the seat across from him. I plopped into the seat and picked up what appeared to be a fork. The steaming food made me realize just how hungry I was.

“I’m Rachael,” I replied and pushed a forkful of stew into my mouth. It was disgusting. And I licked my lips. I wouldn’t want to eat the stuff for the rest of my life, but it was hot and filling and probably wouldn’t kill me. “Phankfffsss…”

The giant cat looked puzzled.

I swallowed and said it again. “Thanks!”

“Not at all,” he said with a grin. “I’ve been there, so I know how hard it is.”

“You don’t know the half of it,” I said between bites.

“Perhaps… Shnovs! Two Acturian ales!” I looked up, realizing that his last statement was directed at the bartender.

“You are human, yes?”

I was suddenly alert. “Yes…” I said after a pause.

Shnovs set a cup in front of each of us. It looked like beer.

“I thought so. And without a Mina to your name… how curious.”

“Why is that?” I asked, licking the last of the gravy off the plate. The liquid in the cup definitely wasn’t beer, but it was certainly alcoholic and not too bad. Something like a wine cooler only more potent.

“Well,” he started, “I would have thought that someone with your unique talents would always be able to afford the best meals in the whole space port.”

“Unique talents? What unique talents?”

“You are Terran, correct?”

“Yes, I am, but I don’t…” Suddenly I did understand what he meant, and I nearly coughed on my drink.

“You think I’m a prostitute?!” I asked somewhat shocked. Then I realized that I didn’t know the status of such people in Galactic society. It could even be illegal. I looked around to see if anyone had heard.

Jaled laughed. “Of course! What else would you be doing here?”

“Good question…” I answered.

“Suppose you tell me the whole story then.” He put his huge elbows on the table and leaned against his fists, still grinning.

“Really? I mean, you sure you want to hear it?”

“We Kzin are suckers for a good tale. Besides, I have about thirty Klons to kill and no contacts save for Shnovs here,” he pointed at the ape at the bar and raised two fingers. The bartender nodded and filled two more mugs. I took a moment to remember if “Klons” were a race or a unit of time…

“Well, ok. If you really want to hear it. It’s hardly a tale…”

“Please. Continue,” He said taking the new mugs from Shnovs and handing him the old ones.

For the next hour or so, I explained in great detail all I could remember since the party. I had to fill in some blanks on occasion, and Jaled would often stop to ask questions. More than once he simply burst out laughing. When I look back on it, I guess my whole situation could be considered kind of funny. The whole time, he kept our mugs full, much to my delight. I really needed something to cheer me up a bit.

“…and that’s when I walked in here. The rest you know,” I ended.

“Amazing. Simply amazing. And now, Rachael, what are your plans? Back to the library?”

“I guess so. I hadn’t really thought about it.”

“And tonight,” He asked matter-of-factly.

“I have no idea… I assume that you can’t just curl up against a wall?”

“Not unless you are a Throngor beetle. Not in the space port, it’s not safe.”

“Then I don’t know.” I stared into my mug.

“You could stay with me if you wish,” He said, lifting my chin with one huge furry paw.

“Jaled, I… I don’t know… if…” My heart was suddenly pounding, my body alert.

“You misunderstand me, Rachael. I am offering you my bed, not asking you to perform services.” His voice was warm and soft.

“Oh!” I burst out, realizing the nature of his words. “I’m sorry. I’m a bit new in town,” I said smiling again.

“That’s an understatement,” he replied.

Jaled was good to his word. He had a small room at a nearby hotel (which would be huge by earth standards) and even offered to sleep on the floor. I paused for all of a second and then said we could both fit on the bed. We stayed up for a few more hours, him telling me about Kzin lifestyles and I, human ones. We swapped stories and laughed ourselves silly. Finally I had to ask him the one question on my mind.

“Jaled? How much do human, er… I mean, is prostitution legal, or rather…”

“Is that what’s bugging you, Rachael? I thought you looked a bit distracted.”

“Well,” I said stretching my legs out in front of me, “I have to face the fact that I don’t have any other skills. I’m not saying I could do it, but… It would be nice to know how much it pays.”

“Well, I’m not exactly an expert on the subject,” he answered scratching behind one ear.

“Sure, but you must have heard rumors.”

“Well, and this is ONLY rumor mind you….” He was pointing one paw at me.


“At the height of their days, it was said that a human female could make as much as twenty thousand Mina a night for her Zongar captors.”

“TWENTY THOUSAND! Are you serious!??” I couldn’t believe it. Even the highest paid port workers only made about 10 thousand Mina in an entire planetary year, let alone one night. No wonder the Zongar risked breaking intergalactic law, the Earth was a virtual gold mine! Now I realized why the D’racth at the information booth was surprised I was human.

“I know, it’s hard to believe,” he continued, “Just remember that only the wealthiest could afford their services. I hear that they are still on the circuit, just out of the public view.”

“Amazing… And just for, uh… having sex?”

“Well,” he said smiling, “I don’t know if it’s quite that simple. They usually charged by the night, and remember that your clientele is as varied as the stars.”

“What do you mean,” I asked, still in awe of my own linage.

“Hmm.. One night you make love to a Gonth, who are fairly human looking in design, the next night you do it with a Blenger, who resembles a pile of quivering black tar.”


“And both will have extremely different methods in which to bring you pleasure, and in so doing, bring themselves pleasure.”

“At least it wouldn’t be a boring job,” I said grinning.

“No, that’s for certain.”

We sat in silence for a minute or so, until finally I leaned forward and asked softly, “Jaled… How do Kzin make love?”

This caught him off guard. He looked up, and for a second I couldn’t tell if he was mad or simply thinking. Then he grinned.

“As I understand it, we are.. equipped much the same way human males are. I would assume that our methods of intercourse are also similar.”

I sat thinking for a moment.

“Would you like to find out?” I asked timidly.

The Kzin looked at me with a very intense expression. Again, I thought that I had perhaps made a very bad mistake. Then he reached out a paw and touched my arm. It was warm and soft and heavy.

“I would very much like that, Rachael. But generous as I am, I do not have the Mina for that kind of extravagance.”

I covered part of his paw with my hand.

“I am offering you myself for mutual pleasure, not for services rendered,” I said in a low gruff voice imitating his own.

We both burst into laughter.

Once I convinced Jaled that I was serious, and that I really did want to make love to him, or at least try, he became much more open to the subject. As we undressed, I asked him questions about Kzin anatomy.

“Do female Kzin have breasts?” I asked as he slipped my tank top over my head. His furry paws tickled my skin in wonderfully erotic ways. I noticed that my nipples were already beginning to perk up, horny bitch that I am.

“They have two set of breasts, though smaller than yours.” He was unbuttoning my shorts as I was unbuckling his pants. I could feel his huge sex under the garment and realized that I might be in over my head.

I hardly noticed as he slid my shorts over my hips because I had done the same with his pants. I couldn’t believe it. There in front of me was the biggest penis I had ever seen. It was as thick as my arm, but fortunately not equally as long. Don’t get me wrong, it was enormous! I had no idea if I could take that monster. Still, it wasn’t so long that I could get hurt if he went all the way into me. I hoped…

Jaled started by slowly caressing me with both his paws. He very lightly ran his furry fingers over my chest, my belly, sides and legs. Then he moved around behind me and did the same for my back. I can’t tell you what kind of an effect this had on me. It was simply wonderful. It both excited and relaxed me at the same time.

Urging me over to the side of the bed, he reached around me, cupping my breasts and gently drew my body back against his. It was like leaning back into a fur rug that moved. I could also feel his shaft at my back. With the slightest of pressure, he tilted my body forward at the waist so that my elbows rested comfortably on the bed. Then, he placed a paw on the inside of each thigh drawing them apart.

My heart was pounding wildly at the thought of what I was about to do. For me, what seemed like 24 hours earlier I was getting wasted at a party, now I was about to make love to an alien on a planet 60 million light years away.

Then I felt the hard tip of his member graze the folds of my womanhood and I gasped aloud.

“God, Jaled!”

“I can feel your pleasure, Rachael. It is.. an interesting effect. I know just how to please you…”

He was lightly stroking my folds, teasing me and bringing my arousal up to full throttle. I hoped that I was as wet as I felt down there. I wanted him slick as could be…

“Ughmmmm….” I moaned, my body starting to move to meet him, begging him to come inside. My hips moved so that his shaft slipped back and forth under me, his tip just out of reach of my folds.

Finally, when I was nearly shuddering with arousal, he leaned back slightly so that his tip came forward and into me. At first, I thought that I would come right then, but he remained motionless, allowing me to adjust to his size. Then, with infinite patience, he slowly began to pump his own hips. In the beginning, the motion was hardly noticeable, but with each stroke, he pushed a little deeper into me.

“Ughnnn… ughmmm… Ught! Ught! UGHNN!” I was nearly hysterical with pleasure as he gently worked to my depths. It was tight, the biggest damn thing I have ever had in there, including some rather large cucumbers. It felt unbelievably wonderful, and I realized that it had been a while since a had had a lover… Then I remembered that I was having sex with an alien being. Strangely, I wasn’t afraid anymore. Looking back on it, I can only guess that being intimate with Jaled allowed me to trust him. It’s kind of hard to have consensual sex with someone and not trust them, or rather I should say that it would be hard for ME. I’ve met a lot of girls who never get the trust thing. Stupid. Either trust your partner, or you shouldn’t be in the same bed. I knew that Jaled wouldn’t hurt me. Hell no! In fact, at that moment I had the startling realization that Jaled would die protecting me. I can’t explain how I knew, but I was certain of it. It was both comforting and arousing to know that if a dozen Lamed assassins came running into the room, he would give his all to keep me safe. Later, Jaled told me that it was part of Kzin instinct, and although he had never thought about it, he was certain that the instinct would apply to anyone he made love with, regardless of race. It was the Kzin way.

These thoughts, along with the new way he was slowly sliding in and out of my body, pushed me over the edge. I shuddered in complete ecstasy as the orgasm of my life washed over and drowned me. I felt Jaled stiffen and then cry out so loudly that had we not been physically joined I would have run for cover. That was the first time I ever heard a Kzin battle cry. It so excited me that I launched right into a second orgasm and nearly voiced my own battle cry.

It was good that I was athletic. Even so, I was exhausted, and a little stretched. I also felt better than I had in months. We rolled into the bed and I snuggled into the crook of his arm. Jaled had a dazed look in his eyes and a smile on his furry face. We laid that way for about ten minutes before either of us spoke.

“I can now understand why human females commanded such high prices for their services…” he said with a dreamy voice. “Never have I encountered anything that comes close to such pleasure. You are amazing, Rachael.”

“The pleasure was mutual, Jaled.” I replied, playing with the soft fur of his chest.

“Human males are very lucky indeed.”

“Actually,” I said, correcting him. “Human females are said to experience a higher state of bliss than the male. That and males can only have a single orgasm within a span of a half hour or so.” I was recalling something I had read from a psyche book.

“Do you tell me that they do not experience your joy?” He was incredulous.

“I’m afraid not. In fact, I’ve found that most males tend to be self centered and woefully ignorant of how their partner feels.” I sighed, remembering past disappointments.

“They do not deserve to be your footstools!”

“A lot of girls would agree with you,” I replied smiling.

After a bit, it was time for Jaled to go to his meeting.

“Please, you are welcome to share my residence as long as you wish,” he entreated me while dressing. I was admiring his incredible physique, and other things. I didn’t know it at the time, but when a Kzin says you can share his domicile, he means it… they keep the offer open for life.

“Will you be gone long?” I asked, idly running my fingers over my naked belly.

“Not long. This meeting is just a formality,” he answered while he strapped on his Chaaka blade. I noticed that it was never far from his person, even in bed. He told me later that he normally left it on, even while bathing.

“Good. Then if you don’t mind, I’d like to stay right here and think about what I’m going to do to you when you get back.” I was smiling wickedly.

For a second, Jaled failed to catch my meaning. Then it hit him and he literally purred. “I shall try to be quick,” he replied chuckling. “Mri Ra’tchuk!”

“My rat shook!” I mimicked his farewell greeting as best as I could.